Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
