Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
