...so i touched it.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
