You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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