and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
