I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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