She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
