ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
