it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
