TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
