It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Couch. On fire.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
