i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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