I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
