I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
