We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
