My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
