i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
