I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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