he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Lo siento on account of my penis...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
