That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
