carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
