dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
