at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The best revenge is premature balding
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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