If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
