I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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