There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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