Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
