Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
