Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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