You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
