Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
