yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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