Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
