Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
