Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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