Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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