If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
