the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
