he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
