youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just forgot I was standing up.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
