mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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