doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
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