I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
