woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
