you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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