hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
