I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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