I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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