You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
