I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
