yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
