i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
