the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
