i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
